Schmeltzerizing California
Everyone knew Trump would attack the process. No one was prepared?
California held its primary last Tuesday. The count is taking a while and saw changing leads, as it always does. Donald Trump is calling it rigged, as he always does. Both of those things were predictable from a mile away. So why did California Democrats sound this week like they had never thought about what they were going to say?
When Trump went on Meet the Press on Sunday and (before walking out) lied about the California primary being “rigged” and “crooked” because Republicans were losing ground as the count came in, there was supposed to be an answer ready. What we got instead was this (all sources linked):
“Trump is lying about California again — time to take the phone away from grandpa and put him to sleep.” (Governor Gavin Newsom’s press office, on X)
“There is a lot of misinformation floating around about California’s election — including from the President…For the record: we wish the votes were counted faster, too.” (Newsom’s press office, follow-up, which retweeted an explainer by CNN which wasn’t too bad!)
“Most severe case of California Derangement Syndrome we’ve ever seen.” (Newsom’s press office, on X.)
“Accuracy comes before speed. California is the nation’s largest voting state, with millions of ballots to process and count. Taking the time to do this work correctly protects voters’ rights and ensures the integrity of our elections. California has built a strong system that expands access, empowers voters, and ensures more Californians can fully participate in our democracy.” (Secretary of State Shirley Weber, June 4 press release, the day Trump started calling the count rigged.)
California’s elections are “safe, secure and accessible.” “Yes, we can and should invest to have ballots counted faster, but despite Trump crying foul when an election doesn’t go his way, he has never offered any proof or evidence of the widespread fraud he claims.” (Senator Alex Padilla, statement Monday.)
“Baseless. Everyone knows California will complete a fair and accurate count. End of story.” (California Democratic Party Chair Rusty Hicks to media.)
That is the entire field. The president of the United States attacked the integrity of an American election, and the most repeated words across the whole Democratic response were accuracy, integrity, accessible, baseless, and Derangement Syndrome.
Look, none of these arguments are wrong. California does have a lot of voters and we do take time to count votes accurately. But mostly, other than the “Grandpa” quip, this is the bureaucratic language of “Hey, it’s cool” at the exact moment the president is calling your work a fraud.
California Democrats had a real story to tell. Trump wasn’t attacking a process. He was attacking human beings — the voters and those counting the votes. That story was there for the taking.
For my most loyal readers, you know I put stuff like this through The Schmeltzerizer™ , the 8-point storytelling machine to find our protagonist and their want, antagonist and their want, the plot, the stakes, the urgency, and then the theme.
The reason is simple. Talking points might be right. Stories evoke an emotional response. And humans are hardwired to respond to stories more than anything else.
Schmeltzerize It, Baby!
Through the Schmeltzerizer this all goes. Beep boop blorp:
“Let me tell you a story about a Republican county clerk in California’s Central Valley. She voted for Donald Trump three times and has been working this job for decades. Right now, at 10:00 at night, she’s in a fluorescent-lit room with dozens of people from both parties opening envelopes, by hand, checking signatures against the ones on file feeding paper ballots into a scanner one at a time. Down the highway in a coastal county a Democrat is doing the same exact thing with people of both parties. Why do these people do this? Because they believe in democracy. They believe that every vote of every Californian should be counted.
Donald Trump just said that these people are in cahoots and executing a large-scale conspiracy to throw the entire election. Democrats and Republicans. It isn’t just crazy, it’s an insult to the people who don’t have to do this job, but they do it because they believe in it. They’re among the best Americans there are.
They believe that Mom at the kitchen table who looks at her ballot after her kids are asleep, or the construction worker who looks up candidates on his break, or the veteran who served this country but can no longer make it to a polling place all just want their voices heard and have the right to have their ballot counted no matter how long it takes.
California’s system is a democracy multiplier. Since we passed it, turnout’s gone up. And expanding mail voting saw Republicans gain more than Democrats, by the way.
So why is Donald Trump floating this ridiculous conspiracy? Because it is a rehearsal for November. When he is going to lose, and lose horribly. He is setting the stage right now to call his failure a conspiracy against him. And if we let him get away with it now, we are only setting ourselves up worse for November.
But we’re not going to let him get away with it now. Or ever. Right now Democratic attorneys general across the United States are organizing and getting ready to protect our poll workers from this kind of harassment. And if elected in November, Democrats will immediately pass legislation to protect our poll workers from presidential harassment like this. It is not a joke and it is not something that we take lightly. We will defend poll workers of both parties or no party at all who do their jobs well under difficult circumstances.”
That hits all eight points of a good political story that evokes the emotion that only a complete story can.
There’s a protagonist, two of them in fact, plus the voters they’re counting for. A want. An antagonist with a motive/want. Real stakes. A plot, with the attorneys general now and the law after November. Urgency, with the rehearsal frame and no time to spare. And a theme that a real democracy takes time and respects everybody in it.
It is, in other words, not a hard piece of writing. But it does no good if some schmuck on Substack has to write it out.
And yes, that’s the long version. If you need to shorten it, you absolutely can:
Let me tell you about a Republican county clerk in California’s Central Valley who voted for Trump three times and a Democratic one down the highway. Tonight at 10 PM, they’ll both still be in a fluorescent-lit room with dozens of people from both parties, opening envelopes by hand. They are counting the mom’s ballot, filled in after the kids were asleep, and the diabled veteran’s, who relies on his mail-in ballots, because they believe these voters’ who want to be heard have their votes counted right.
Donald Trump just called them cheats. He is attacking the universal mail system that boosted Republican turnout more than Democratic because he’s scared of losing in November and is setting up his argument. If we let him get away with it now, he does this ten times worse when seats are on the line across America.
We won’t let him. Democratic State attorneys general are organizing to protect these workers in court. If we take Congress, Democrats will make this harassment a federal crime.
But establishing the story you want to tell is the first step toward a short version.
Trump knew exactly what he was doing on Sunday. The fact that nobody in California gave that response tells me we’re not yet ready.
The good news is that it’s June. The bad news is that there’s little time left to get our messaging, response, and storytelling right.